New PALS app helps expectant moms who earlier lost baby
Losing a pregnancy or a new infant is one of the toughest circumstances women can deal with, as spotlighted during Pregnancy and Loss Awareness month in October. Women who have lost a pregnancy or a baby – and are pregnant again – have very different questions and needs, and the new PALS app offers support and answers from a caring community. (Photo courtesy of Bevin Tomlin)
There is no easy way to grieve the loss of a child.
PALS founder and app creator Henke is a licensed clinical social worker in Minnesota. (Lindsey Henke)
After her baby daughter was stillborn in 2014, Lindsey Henke poured her grief and loss into positive action to form the worldwide Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS) group. In August, Henke released the new PALS app, which is the first designed for parents who are again pregnant after loss of a baby.
PALS Birmingham-based board members Bevin Tomlin and Coretta Collins agree the new app has “come of age” at the right time: The March of Dimes found that of 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the U.S. yearly, 900,000 to 1 million end in losses.
In three months, the free PALS app has amassed more than 3,000 subscribers.
“The PALS app has been our baby for about 18 months,” said Henke, a licensed clinical social worker in Minneapolis, Minnesota. “The app is tailored to the very specific needs of women who have gone through a pregnancy loss and are pregnant again.
“It helps with the emotional struggles, the anxiety around ultrasounds while providing curated content,” Henke said. “There are meditations for loss and grief. Users find more than 20 coping skills, along with forums, tips and articles. We wanted to give our members the experience of something normal when it’s an abnormal experience. They can use their phone to go week through week of a subsequent pregnancy, like they would if they were in a traditional pregnancy.”
PALS app users have five chat groups in which they can talk with other moms and share their due dates with others who are expecting a baby born after loss. The Bump Day Photo Booth allows moms to capture their “baby bump” through 40 weeks of pregnancy. Expectant mothers find a place to chat with others who are parenting after loss or are trying to conceive, and newly bereaved parents find a place to commune. The app links to an online magazine with informational articles.
An expectant mom, following an earlier loss, finds support, affirmations and informational articles on the new PALS app. (PALS)
The PALS organization was born in 2014, when Henke began sharing how she had lost her first child, Nora, at 40 weeks. She soon heard from others dealing with similar situations. A subsequent pregnancy after a loss – sometimes called a rainbow pregnancy – is often fraught with complex emotions and can be anxiety-provoking and scary, Henke said.
“People came to me saying, ‘There’s no place for those who are pregnant after loss, to really share their full experience,’ and I agreed,” said Henke, who gave birth to her second daughter, Zoe, 15 months after the loss of her first child.
Henke started the PALS group – now 40,000-followers strong on Facebook and Instagram – as an online center for women who have gone through a pregnancy loss, so moms would know “what to expect when they are expecting again.” Since then, PALS has added 14 online groups and a website, and became a nonprofit in 2017. Before the pandemic, PALS supported 10 in-person pregnancy-after-loss meetups nationwide.
Tomlin sought the support of other women through PALS on Facebook when she became pregnant about a year after the traumatic loss of her infant, Leah. During a time of uncertainty, Tomlin was uplifted and encouraged by women who’d gone through similar circumstances.
“When I was pregnant again, the PALS group helped me know I wasn’t alone in my feelings of concern,” said Tomlin, manager of Economic and Community Development at Alabama Power Corporate Headquarters in Birmingham. “You kind of lose your innocence when it comes to pregnancy after losing a child. It made me feel not so alone, because a lot of other women had the same feelings.”
PALS treasurer Tomlin is the manager of Economic and Community Development at Alabama Power in Birmingham. (Bevin Tomlin)
After her son, Baron, was born in 2015, Tomlin continued to be part of the administration of PALS on Facebook as a group moderator and leading the moderators. She joined the PALS board in 2014 as co-chair and is now treasurer.
Tomlin wants women and their partners to know that help is available through the PALS app. She said many women learn about the app through word of mouth.
“We’re getting a lot of response about the Pregnancy After Loss App,” said Tomlin, whose fourth child, Brooks, was born in 2017. “It addresses and validates a lot of questions that women have during a subsequent pregnancy. I stayed involved in PALS as a way to continue to parent Leah and to keep her as part of our memory in our family.”
Coretta Collins is a longtime pregnancy loss advocate and nurse practitioner in Hematology and Oncology Associates of Alabama at Brookwood Baptist Medical Center. She joined the PALS board in April and with other board members checked the new app for usability. Collins, who posts her popular blog, “Confessions of a Nurse Practitioner,” said the app is highly needed.
PALS board member Collins is a nurse practitioner at Brookwood Baptist Medical Center. (Coretta Collins)
“PALS provides a different perspective for mothers who have undergone loss,” said Collins, who honors her lost infant on his birthday, Feb. 8. “I want more and more people to know that PALS is here, and what a great organization it is in terms of helping moms and families in their loss. This would have been so helpful when I went through my experience, which is part of what made me want to help other women. I do mentorship of women who have suffered loss, trying to be an advocate for them and a listening ear.”
To commemorate Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October, PALS encourages families to honor their babies by posting photos with the hashtag “Becauseofyoumychild.” The website includes templates for downloading.
Remembering their infants during ‘Wave of Light’
Henke, Tomlin and Collins will join thousands of families taking part in the global “Wave of Light” – in honor of International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day – at 7 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 15. A poignant time of remembrance for many who have experienced stillbirths or lost newborns, lighting a candle honors precious lives that ended too soon.
Tomlin and her husband, Adam, will light a candle in remembrance of the daughter who passed away about a week after birth in January 2013, due to an infection. “This is a way for us to hold Leah in our hearts,” Tomlin said.
Collins will light a candle at home to honor Walter Eron, the son she lost. For Lindsey and Nick Henke – who now stay busy with their daughter and son – it’s a special time to remember the baby girl they lost, Nora.
